The many moods of me...

SlipperyWhnWhet Laurie If you know me, you know I change my Twitter avatar to suit my mood. And my mood changes often. ;) Here are a few... the many moods of me...   Do you feel like sometimes you want to be a little more than just half naked? A bit more than just slightly suggestive? For the weeks you want to play with the wicked & wanton crowd, feel free to join us on Wednesdays.

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e[lust] #28

Photo courtesy of Delilah

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #29 (Which will be in September, taking a short summer break)? Start with the rules and subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for updates and submission reminders.

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

What makes me a woman? - It’s a stumper, this question. There must be something that makes me a woman. Something more than how I am perceived by others as I walk down the street. But what is the answer?

Baggage: An Inventory - Everyone brings bags with them. My goal is to carry my own bags. I’ll let people help me shed them, but I will never let them carry them. Those bags are my own to, well, own.

There's pain and then there's pain (and then there's pain) -Part of what I crave in the second type of pain is the selfish sadism of the partner who continues despite my pleas. He does it because it arouses him, and he does it because I'll endure it for him.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

What Is Gender? - Playing with dolls and preferring the color pink doesn’t make you a girl anymore than chewing on a bone makes you my dog.

~ e[lust] Editress: Dangerous Lilly ~

Sex Toys: Single or Partnered, there is no shame in owning them - There’s no fucking shame in owning your sexuality, in taking control of your own damn orgasm. Can you PREFER human contact and partnered sex to sex toys? Sure. You can prefer whatever the fuck you want. But don’t insinuate to me that owning a lot of sex toys is somehow bad or shameful.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable ~after this point~. Thank you, and enjoy!

New Blogger Education Posts

Blog Design 101: Balancing Personal Style vs Readability

A Cautionary Word on Joining Affiliate Programs

Kink & Fetish

BDSM Day, an international recognition

BDSM Advice Series: Bondage Tape

Being a Brat Can Hurt

Caning, energy and romance

Screw roses! I enjoy playing with Thorns...

Working Girl

Erotic Writing

A Trip to the Toy Store

Can I get into your knickers now?

Coffee Break

early afternoon

Elevator Shaft

Fogged-up Windows

Fucking Eli

FWB

I'll see you tonight...

One on One

Open By Night

Rock Out With My Cock Out

Renewed Interest

Twenty/Fifty-Three

that little fucking game changer [part I]

the weekend away - Sunday

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Death By Bondage

Hypocrite, PA-Rant!

kink labels....is there a place for me? (or someday my kink will come)

Things I Looove Thursday

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Ask PolyAnna: Multiple partners?? Safer sex??

Are My Nipples Getting The Correct Signals?

Evolution

More Pussy Pride - The Perfect Vagina

My Take On Masculinity

Rambling Harlot: On Internet Dating and Shyness

Sex and Catholic Schools

Sex And Disability: Starting the Dialogues

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Note to self:

video

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Chain Stitch

On Sinful Sunday it's all about the image.

See who else is playing Sinful Sunday over at MollysDailyKiss.

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The Outfit Before the Destruction

Last week I said "Next time remind me to get a picture of the cute outfit *before* Sir and his friends destroy it and my hair..."

This week I remembered, if only for one of my days of wantonness. This is what I wore on pet's birthday, and at least for a little bit last night. It's cute, super comfortable, and shows off cleavage well. Don't believe me? Just click the pic. Too bad it never stays on very long... ;)

Do you feel like sometimes you want to be a little more than just half naked? A bit more than just slightly suggestive? For the weeks you want to play with the wicked & wanton crowd, feel free to join us on Wednesdays.

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Shattered

Do you want to shatter?

Is the pull of it so strong it fills your thoughts and needs?

To lose the structures formed from hours of social condition and polite family events, from PTA meetings and political debate, from Christmas dinners and office meetings.

Embrace searing pain and soul bending degradation, to break into a billion little pieces of sand then blown away by the storm of you.

Stripped of all of this you are raw, you are core and primal, you are free.

Are your desires dark as pitch, dark as coal, dark as midnight?

Do you revel in perversions layered one after the other, an endless onion, tear-filled in descent?

Past the red wall, past the shattered glass, past the howling beast, tear at the thin ice.

Reposted with permission. Originally posted July 13, 2011 by Alebeard on his blog. I love the subtitle "Because Sex without Kink is just plain wrong" :)

Oh, by the way, you can see he knows what he's talking about on PainToy.com...




It has been a very long time since I have shattered...

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Remember. Surrender.

I wrote this and created this image December 14th, 2009. I had been experimenting with pain for a mere six weeks.

All this week, subspace and pain have been the subject of many conversations. With Sir, with pet, and, among others, with J, my new protégée. She has some very honest questions, and I love that she asks them. Answering questions about my masochism, pain, & subspace helps me learn more about it myself.

I referred her to a post I had written more than a year ago. I called it 'required reading'. Then I read it again... Many of the posts on my 'Personal Favorites" tab are required reading for myself. The more I know now, the more I grow, the more I get each and every time I visit where I used to be. 

Amazing how that works, isn't it?

Surrender sets me free.

Click to read "Surrender by Laurie  et al."

"Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings ...
And while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high, untrespassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God."

~John Gillespie Magee

See who else is playing Sinful Sunday over at MollysDailyKiss.

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In The Middle...

In any three way combination of people with an 'F' in it... MFM, FMF, FFF... I *love* being the one in the middle! I am such a greedy slut!

If you follow along, you may spot that this isn't Sir. He was enjoying watching me being impaled by a telephone pole while being 'forced' to make pet cum over and over. It was her birthday after all...

Occasionally he would move in for additional torture... like applying clamps...

Like the fishnet cast with its very own collar? I might as well have fun with it. Next time remind me to get a picture of the cute outfit *before* Sir and his friends destroy it and my hair...

Do you feel like sometimes you want to be a little more than just half naked? A bit more than just slightly suggestive? For the weeks you want to play with the wicked & wanton crowd, feel free to join us on Wednesdays.

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A Gift for Pet

On Sinful Sunday it's all about the image.

See who else is playing Sinful Sunday over at MollysDailyKiss.

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Anger is a Secondary Emotion

I got very angry last Friday. Actually my exact words were "Really surprised & happy to fucking emotional meltdown in 2.5 seconds. I hate the female brain sometimes. Shutting up & hiding car keys."

I really hate becoming angry over things that in the great scheme of things, are not really important at all. This was one of those things and I knew it.

I was subdropping, my parents were due the next day and I was dreading that, and I was tired... but I knew these things too. I had been combating that mood all day and was winning the battle after a beautiful day at the lake with my girls and a wonderful chat with Sir.

A perfect end to the day was seeing a message from someone I had been wanting to hear from. The message was not for me. It was an accident.

I lost it.

Even as my logical mind was reminding myself of all of the facts above, my "female brain" as I refer to the illogical side was spewing out hateful thoughts, conspiracies, and revenges. The car keys were a very real danger in that frame of mind. It would have been a short drive. My "I deserve an answer right now" urge was strong, and it took a lot to fight that. I actually had to take an Ambien to kill it.

I am glad I did. A good sleep, and talking it out with Sir next day helped. No, I wasn't mad at him. He was just the only unfortunate victim of the fury. We had been chatting when I saw the message. Thank goodness he is both patient and persistent.

If I had never worked as a counselor or taught anger management I would have made that drive. I would have vented everything in the middle of the night. I would have felt better. I would have had whatever justice I felt was due to me.

Over something that really doesn't matter at all.

Instead I looked below the surface, beneath the anger, and acknowledged the hurt and confusion there. I let it out. Then I let it go.

"Anger is often called a secondary emotion because we tend to resort to anger in order to protect ourselves from or cover up other vulnerable feelings. A primary feeling is what is what is felt immediately before we feel anger. We almost always feel something else first before we get angry.

We might first feel afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced, trapped, or pressured. If any of these feelings are intense enough, we think of the emotion as anger.

As the drawing below illustrates, anger is like an iceberg in that only some of the emotions are visible. The other emotions exist "below the water line" where they are not immediately obvious to outside observers."

So why bring this up if it wasn't important and I'm over it? Because I'm afraid it may not be over. Tomorrow night I may see this person I got so angry with. If I do, I will also see my #1 anti-fan.  They chose to come to this event knowing I would be there.

I can be an adult and I can be civilized. I mean no ill will to either of them. Or I can walk (well, scoot or use crutches) away from any confrontation from my anti-fan. But this is a public event. It is pet's birthday weekend. I do not want anything to spoil anything for her.

I do hope my own personal stalker does read this before tomorrow evening. If so I can deliver this message to her now... "You win. Seriously. It was never even a battle in my eyes. It's not worth it. Enjoy your victory."

That cock has already been replaced.

Quote and image from http://www.creducation.org/resources/anger_management/anger__a_secondary_emotion.html

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e[lust] #27

Photo courtesy of A Bedroom Blog

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #28? Start with the rules and subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for updates and submission reminders.

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Ruby LOVES her body, so should YOU – What ever size you are, love yourself, be nice to yourself and concentrate on health instead of looks.

Performances - So, of course, I don’t have any sensation in my cock, but holy baby Jeebus, sinking into her is so fucking hot that I groan right along with her.

10 reasons why I shouldn’t have had sex, but did anyway – I’ve written extensively about happy-sex; so now here are some of the more unpleasant reasons why I’ve had sex.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Energy Orgasms – There is a moment, an incredible moment, when it feels like the universe is concentrated in my body.

e[lust] Editress: Dangerous Lilly

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable ~after this point~. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
A response to: #Slutwalk will not show our daughters how to get respect
Accidents Happen
All the Time in the World
Dear Jane: How Do I Gain Sensitivity Back After Masturbating Too Much?
Friday Flix: 10 Things We Would Like to Say
Hole. Confession #573
Look at me (please)
Lusting After Sexually Confident Women and HNT
Oh Really?
Sex Toy Collecting
Why Can’t I Orgasm?

Kink & Fetish
5 Kinky Toys from the Restaurant Supply Store
A Piece of Meat
Being a Domme, Alone
Daddy’s Good Girl
Emotional Masochism
Fucktoy Friday: Urethra Play
Good Morning
Inexorable Love
More Adventures in Chastity
New figure nudes
Plugged

Erotic Writing
Continentally Close
Entwined
First Memory of Sex with Nicole
Far From the Madding Crowd
First kiss
green candle wax
Happy Birthday Baby Girl
Lusty Lips
My first swinging experience
Seducing my Professor
sexy bitch/sexy beast
Strapping On For the First Time
seminar slut
To seduce you
The Minotaur
Twisted Words
The Heist

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor
Gender Celebration Blog Carnival – A Call for Submissions
Marilyn Monroe: A Sex Goddess Searches For Her Elusive Orgasm
Welcome

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Why do I post the pictures I do?

Well here it is. Another Wednesday. Time to look through all of my pictures to find something slutty to post. I do have a lot of pictures. And video. I may not have as much porn on my computer as some of you pervs out there, but mine is all me.

When I think about it, I have to laugh. I must be a complete narcissist to have such a collection. Hey everybody! Look at me! Wanton Wednesday and Sinful Sunday aren't enough for me. I have to post naked pictures on Twitter and Tumblr in between to feed my need for attention.

I am not dismissing the fact that it does feed my exhibitionist kink. But that's not why I do it. I do it for me. The pictures I choose to share, whether in a quick upload with no caption or a featured part of a post here, are my moments... my memories. They are so much more than anyone else can ever grasp the meaning of unless, of course, they were there.

When I have the time to write I do. I can ramble on about even just one small part of an amazing evening for a very long time. Some people even like those ramblings. Again, those are for me. My memories. The things that make me hot, or happy, or whatever. When I read them again, I remember the rest of those nights (not counting spacey times) and the people, the preparation, the journey, the time after, and most importantly of all- the feelings.

I don't always have time to write. But I do have my pictures. I have tons of them. Most are blurry, a bad angle, unflattering, poor quality, and really not good at all. The videos too. But every now and then, one speaks to me. Even just a very small part of a photo can capture that perfect moment, look, and feeling for me. A picture can speak a thousand words and that saves a lot of typing time to say the same thing to myself.

Even the hunt through the folders a couple times a week because I "have to" post a picture on Wednesday or Sunday has become important to me. It's a break to relive those special times in my mind again. Often I make the photos "artsy" to cover the blurs and graininess of the shot or to protect privacy. Or sometimes just because I like the effect. I get a creative release just playing with the pictures. With my schedule, just that bit of a slutty time-out brightens my day.

Other people enjoy the pictures I post. I know because they tell me. That does make me feel good. Some people like to share back, showing me just how much they enjoyed my photos. That really doesn't do anything for me though, guys. Not my kink. Remember, I am not putting these here for you but feel free to continue enjoying my pictures in ways that make you feel good too.

When I think back to when I first started exploring BDSM, my posts had pictures. I searched the internet or created my own to express the intent, the feeling that I wanted to remember. I never showed much of myself even when I did post a real photo. Even when I liked the shot, I didn't like the body in the picture. You are welcome to browse back through the blog to see the examples.

Then a funny thing started to happen. I started to see the beauty of me. Sounds narcissistic again, doesn't it? For an old woman, way too fat, hating every part of her body, and definitely not feeling sexy in any way *that* is a life changing revelation! As my body image improved, my entire self image improved. Even though I wasn't perfect, I felt sexy. I was sexy.

Not only did my body image improve, my body improved. I started eating better. I was more active. I lost almost 60 pounds so far since last October. I feel better. I am more confident. I have more energy. I look better than I have in years. I see a healthy, happy, beautiful; woman now when I look in the mirror. Just typing that right now made me well up with tears of joy. 

I blame the pictures. So I'm going to keep posting them. I don't care what anyone else thinks. I may write about them. I may not. And whether they are completely safe for work and only hint at naughtiness, or maybe a bit more graphic (like the click-through) I am saving them for me.

Today's are special for me not only because of the memories, but because of the person in them. I am looking forward to spending time with pet on her birthday this week, and you'd better believe I am going to be very wanton!

Do you feel like sometimes you want to be a little more than just half naked? A bit more than just slightly suggestive? For the weeks you want to play with the wicked & wanton crowd, feel free to join us on Wednesdays.

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I had forgotten what this is all about

Last night, after a rough 24 hours, I was almost ready to doze off when several messages popped up. I didn't know this person, and he had no way to know I was online right then reading them. Normally unsolicited messages are rude and ignored. These made a horrible day good again.

"Hello ma'am! I just wanted to thank you, I've been reading your blog for several months after a friend recommended it to me.

You really inspired me to explore my own nature, my own inner sexual kinks and life in ways I had never had a chance to before.

I'm currently exploring my own submissive followings and desires for the first time ever, and have found a wonderful Mistress.

I just wanted to let you know, since I've read you've had a bad day, that you've made my days a bit brighter."

This memoir is for me. A scrapbook and journal combined for those memories I wish to remember and the lessons I need to remember. So why share it?

It's not about popularity. It's not about followers, page hits, contests, or starred tweets. I was forgetting that.

This is about me being myself, exploring myself and my kink. It's about being real. Being approachable, open and understanding. People talk back. I answer questions, always learning myself as I do. I meet people, connecting, and helping each other even if it is just sharing a smile.

It's not about numbers. It's about people. And the memories... such wonderful memories...

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Flying

On Sinful Sunday it's all about the image...

See who else is playing Sinful Sunday over at MollysDailyKiss.

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