Serving Alone

Getting nervous but excited. 1st time serving strangers (to me) for Sir w/o him. Wondering how an engine hoist comes into this. O.o

Sir had a task for me. To serve two men for him. Originally he was supposed to be there as well, but life occasionally interferes with kink. I had to do this alone.

Both Sir and one of the men spent the days before messing with my mind. Not that I need any help with that. I seem to do a really good job of that myself. I was going to walk in and submit for use, let these strangers do whatever they wished to me.

Prepared and inspected by one Dom to serve 2 others for Sir. Garter, corset... This drive is a total mindfuck! Thank you Sir! :-*

The day had come, and I got ready at a Dom friend's house. It would have been hard to explain the outfit, collar, and leash to my kids... or my neighbors including the minister that lives below me. With my outfit, I wanted there to be no doubt what my purpose was. Believe me, there wasn't.

My friend enjoyed tormenting me as I dressed and put on makeup. As if I wasn't already feeling subby enough, his comments (and hands) helped set my mood. I was a bit nervous, but still feeling pretty brave.

As I began my drive, I was excited. I was getting cock. This was hot! Then the fear hit. What if they didn't like me? What if I didn't like them? What if this all went horribly wrong? What if, what if, what if... They were strangers after all.

All I could do was take a deep breath and trust Sir. He wouldn't give me to someone that would harm me. I  hoped. No, he wouldn't. I kept driving. I started to shake.

Trembling and soaked. Going to hand them my leash & a dozen condoms. I figure that's a good icebreaker. ;)

I was to serve them as I would serve Sir. I had a task to complete. I could do this. I would make him proud.

Keep pulling over to compose myself. Trying to at least appear confident. I am so nervous but so hot! Don't know when I'll be back.

Putting on a brave face didn't help. Slipping into my subby mind didn't help. I was still balking at this task. Sir being there would have made everything easier. It always does. How was I going to do this? I knew how.

I acknowledged my fear. Embraced it. Used it. And then there was that rush, that full sensory awareness and energy I have enjoyed before. That primal survival mode is a very unique kind of high. It also, for me, enhances sex and puts my mind in a place I can not begin to explain.

I had arrived. I walked up, rang the bell, and handed the leash and condoms to the man that answered the door. He led me inside. I was treated like a complete whore and well used.

Hours later I sent one last tweet for the day. I still had five more on my daily limit of ten, but was too sore and exhausted to manage more than this:

I am a happy girl! Goodnight. 

I was a very content little slut!

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e[lust] #25

Photo courtesy of Sadie

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. And in this edition you can read all about the best sexuality conference of the year (ever?), Momentum, in a one-time-only Editor’s Choice anomaly: I couldn’t choose just one, so I chose them all! Want to be included in e[lust] #26? Start with the rules and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~
Where We Are - It was only supposed to be about the fucking. I don’t know how I convinced myself that it could be. I fretted before we began, about how I could ever possibly separate sex from emotion.
The Edible Slut - His hand made an audible crack as it connected with her ass, loud in the dim bedroom. Did he really sink his hand into her hair, turn her head to face him, and shout, “Stop being such a brat!”
Beyond Bisexual – I don’t identify as bisexual, because I am interested in so many more people than just two of the variety of sexes or genders out there. Except, that is a word that a lot of people understand.

~ Featured: Momentum Conference Posts (Lilly’s Picks) ~
An Extraordinary Gathering (and a Gathering of the Extraordinary)
Finally! A Real Momentum Post
Inspired by MomentumCon
#mcon Rehash
Momentum
Momentumcon, Part One

~ e[lust] Editress ~
To Be or Not To Be….Anonymous, That Is – If you’re out or decide to be out….you’re not just outing yourself. You’re outing them all. And did they give their consent? Probably not, I’d guess. And even if they did give their consent could they even have a clue what consequences there will be?
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships
A Bump In The Road – A Swinger Party Goes Bad
Bridging the Gap (Between Swinging and BDSM)
con-sent
Eating Pussy
Jane Says: What Does Sex Feel Like For A Man?
Let’s talk about food
Safe Word
S&M And Abuse
The Rules, Revisited
The Wet Patch
Who Cares About Your Open Relationship
Where There’s Smoke…

Kink & Fetish
BDSM Advice: Nipple Clamps
bloodfucking
Communicating by touch
Consent [Violated]
Debasement
getting ready…
He mixed pleasure and pain, and my body responded to it all
Invitation
Stolen
Safety Scissors
Topping From the Bottom: An Ode
Wantonly Restrained
You Can Make It Feel So Real

Erotic Writing
3. Wrath
Cunt Licking
Definition of Inspiration
Linger
Miss Me?
My Sex Life: The Journey Continues, Part 2
Silk Memories
Sexy Dance-Ing
teacher sweaters and the cock that haunts me
The Casino
The miseducation of Ms. Mullins
Wow. Confession #558
When I come
WWWednesday
You Want This

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prostrated

kneeling

waiting

pain

"breathe"

silent tears

silent

silenced

alone

isolated

"breathe"

hurt

confused

angry

"anger is a secondary emotion"

pain is primary

vulnerable

cut 

"breathe"

already grieving

a look

a tone of voice

a word

destroys me

"breathe"

despondent

prostrated

i keep my promise

i forgive

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Chains

On Sinful Sunday, it's all about the image.

See who else is playing Sinful Sunday over at MollysDailyKiss.

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Mental Masturbation

I just love chats that get my brain going...

Friend: Hey there!

Me: Hello

Friend: How are you? Besides tired

Me:  Horny. Lol! Seriously, very good. Happily serving a new Master.

Friend:  That sounds good!

Friend:  A good arrangement for meeting many of your needs?

Me:  Many. Most.

Friend:  Tell me about your needs today!

Me:  Mmm...

Me:  Didn't have an ulterior motive.

Me:  Just wanted to talk.

Me:  But now I'm thinking

Friend:  That's totally good with me too

Friend:  I missed our talks on all topics

Me:  I think I have masturbated my clit off (and tortured myself with Ginger) in the past couple days. Lol!

Friend:  Frustrated lately? Or just in the mood for it?

Me:  Not frustrated. Getting lots always makes me want even more.

Friend:  I see. And your new Master? Does he really turn your submissive crank?

Me:  He turns all of my cranks. Sometimes all at once. Sometimes one or two. Not always 'subby' with him, but always serving. Did that make sense?

Me:  But he can take me there in an instant.

Friend:  Hmmm curious.... not always subby..... so always submissive, but not necessarily direct sexual overtone?

Me:  Yes. I get toppy around T, even pushing him away. He either tolerates it, or corrects me. Or sometimes just an all out slut.

Me:  A top/bottom/sado/maso/slut/woman randomness. Never know what to expect.

Friend:  You are a handful....

Friend:  But so very much fun

Me:  He brings the sides out. He chooses my path.

Me:  I hear I am fun.

Me:  Ride the slut.

Me:  Lol!

Friend:  Here's a question...do you think you experience as much fun and pleasure as you provide?

Me:  I feel guilty because I get so much more!

Friend:  Good! Well, not the guilty part... that you get a lot!

Me:  100X more

Me:  I can mindfuck myself quite well too. Sometimes in wonderful ways.

Me:  Enhance my own experience.

Friend:  Interesting.... what have you been mentally exploring? Makes me curious!

Me:  I just feed on my own subbiness. Sometimes creeps out at work. Kneeling & applying lotion to feet, bathing, serving the patients sometimes kicks it off. Not good there.

Friend:  Heheh that's fine.... I do tend to over think, but I find it fascinating.

Me:  But in the right place. With other naked people, very nice.

Friend:  I think I get it.... sort of luxuriating in the mental state where subbiness takes you.

Me:  It's not all mental though. It's chemical.

Friend:  Chemical as in hormones, or recreational assistance?

Me:  My fear/adrenaline rushes, the pain endorphins, can be enhanced mentally. Recreationally too, even if only wine. But often herbal.

Friend:  Or just how actions trigger brain wiring?

Me:  Both

Me:  Each feeds the other. Can be manipulated. I can get to subspace easily now

Friend:  Kinda seems how fetishes both develop and mutate based on experience and mental focus

Me:  Just decide to fly early & low, or wait and build up to a really big wave.

Friend:  In all seriousness, have you considered writing a book on this? You must have been approached about it by now.

Me:  Mental focus. Good phrase. Meditation. Evolution.

Me:  Um. No.

Friend:  Does that interest you?

Me:  Experiencing it interests me. And I think about it a lot. Write some. In that order.

Friend:  I would never phrase it as a "responsibility" but you are uniquely gifted and experienced to be able to write about this.

Friend:  Of course, there goes my over thinking again...

Me:  I like your brain.

Friend:  I love how you said that the same way you would compliment a cock... LOL

Friend:  I take it as a compliment!

Me:  No. I would have said "love" with cock.

Friend:  LOL!

Me:  Priorities.

Friend:  Yes I have missed you!

Me:  *smiles*

Friend:  Ahhh but what is rarer.... an attractive mind, or an attractive cock?

Me:  Both in one is rarest.

Friend: Touché

Me:  Finally snuggled in bed.

Friend:  I am picturing you... it pleases me

... And then the conversation went on for a while, but you're probably not interested in that part... I wasn't doing much typing... ;)

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Three Ginger Plugs

I'm not going to explain. If you do not understand figging, read this story.

I have kept a promise I made to one Dom, and fulfilled a personal request from another.

I keep my promises. ;) Click only if not easily offended.

Do you feel like sometimes you want to be a little more than just half naked? A bit more than just slightly suggestive? For the weeks you want to play with the wicked & wanton crowd, feel free to join us on Wednesdays.

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Rape

This is a true story. I have never written fiction. Before I even get started I want to state that I am talking about rape with at least some tiny bit of consent. There has to be an element of nonconsent to qualify as rape for me, the more the better, but I am not talking about actual rape. I do know the difference. Been there, don't want to go back. This is consensual nonconsent. I am a submissive, masochist slut. I get off HARD crossing that line on so many different levels!

"Been thinking a lot today about favorite shipboard memories... ;)"

This is my current status on my "vanilla" facebook. Only certain people can see it. The ones that will read it and smile about those same memories.

One of them did smile at me today. He made me all squirmy and wet years later as easily as if he were here with me. I call him my friend to this day. This is his story.

---

I was in the Navy a few years ago, and stationed in Italy on a ship. I spent many nights onboard, even in homeport. Underways, duty days, and the fact that I lived 50 miles away meant I spent more nights with the guys that lived on the ship than with my family. 

And being a good sailor, I spent many nights out getting drunk with the guys before turning in. That is if I wasn't out with one or more of the ones I was fucking. Those nights I often spent in hotels.

One dull weekday evening, I was back on the ship early. I was tired, not getting any cock, a little buzzed, and I was going to shower and go to bed.  I did need to stop by one of my lockers on the way to get something. It was in one of the secure spaces my division had. Even on the rare chance someone would be in there, it would be one of our guys. No fun there. 

I fooled around a lot on that ship, but never with anyone I worked for or who worked for me.  Not that I didn't think about it. Oh, god I thought about it a lot, especially with that one super hot & sexy guy that worked for me. Even though the Navy had specific rules about that, that wasn't what stopped me. I just knew fucking people you work with is usually a really, really bad idea.

Very heavy doors

I had to go through several heavy watertight doors to get to the space and enter a code on the cypher lock on the last one to get to my locker. My stuff was very secure. I kept my laptop and valuables in this locker. I  punched in the code, then lifted up the heavy bar to undog the door, jumped in, and pulled the bar back down. I was now locked in a watertight and soundproofed room. And I was not alone.

Of course it was Mr. Super Hot & Sexy using the computer. That was ok, though. We were friends. He thought I was cool, yet still insisted on calling me "Mrs." with my last name instead of Petty Officer. It made me feel old. Well, that and the fact that I was 16 years older than him and could have a son that old. Even though we had some interesting talks, I never had any clue that he thought of me as anything other than a mother figure. 

I said "Hi" and he looked up at me and smiled. He had the absolute sexiest smile. My mind flickered to sex for a second, but I shoved that thought right back out. It wasn't the age. Several of my lovers were his age. He worked for me. I was professional in my office. No. Period.

Really him. Yum!

I looked back at him and instantly knew he had caught that flicker. He smiled more. I was embarrassed and turned toward the lockers. Time to get my stuff and get to bed. Maybe to masturbate about him. But get out of there. Quick!

I walked around a double row of lockers to mine and was effectively trapped from the exit by him when he followed me. I started to chat about something stupid to cover my nervousness and arousal.

"I want to fuck you" he said. "And I know you want it to."

"No" came out of my mouth instantly. There was no internal struggle for that answer. I meant it. I would not sleep with him. Even if he smelled so good, and the skin over his rippling muscles looked so soft. "I can't. You work for me." I knew I couldn't use the 'married' card. He knew I fucked around.

He smiled and grabbed my arms, pinning them straight out against the lockers. He looked me right in the eye. I was begging him to stop. Please. No. He moved in slowly and silenced me with his mouth, invading me with his tongue. I was caught way off guard. I melted into the kiss for an instant, then began struggling. He was much stronger and pinned me with his body to free his hands. They groped me roughly and I struggled more, protesting into his mouth. He undid my jeans and reached inside. I was drenched.

I still think of him when I see lockers.

He stepped back, looking at me. Smiling that damned smile. Even though I was released, my arms were still outstretched as if he still held me there. I was panting. He slipped his shorts down and freed his cock. It was beautiful and huge. I could not look away. He waited. I did not move. 

He moved toward me again and grabbed the waist of my jeans. A final "No" escaped my lips. He yanked them down roughly, parted my thighs, and rammed his cock all the way in. I was soaked, but he was huge and it hurt. I came hard, screaming, instantly. He started to fuck me roughly, slamming me into the lockers, hand over my mouth pinning my head. I began to orgasm constantly (not a common thing in those days), and was fucking him back with everything I had. 

When he finally came, it felt as if I was going to explode from pleasure. He withdrew, pulled up his shorts, and walked out. I was left there dripping cum, panting, sliding down the lockers to the floor, still with my jeans around my ankles. 

I stayed there for a few minutes trying to figure out if I had just been raped or not. And either way, this was going to change things at work.  I realized it was possible for someone else from work to come in and find me in that state. I got up, pulled up my pants, and went straight to my rack. 

I masturbated myself to sleep there, with my fingers playing in his cum...

We fooled around quite a few times after that, and all but one of them would fit into my "rape" category. So many great memories... God I wish I were on the east coast right this minute!

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Juicy Details

"Where are the juicy details from all the fun you've been having? You've hinted, but not blogged."

This question was in my formspring inbox today. I didn't answer it right away. I wanted to think about it. I have my reasons.

I have been doing a lot lately. But other than mentions in tweets or my Wanton Wednesday posts, I haven't written much at all. So what's different now? Sir is different.

For the past month and a half, I have been an owned submissive. I see Sir as often as possible, and I have fucked other men too, both when with him and without him. I have been thoroughly enjoyed being used fully as a slut. But this is still all so new.

He and I are developing our relationship. We are learning each other. We have had some misunderstandings, but talk through them. Public fucking and live webcasts aside, it feels very intimate, personal, private. And maybe I am afraid I will curse myself if I share too much.

There is another person involved too. Pet is now serving Sir as well. He and she are evolving in their own relationship, too, and it is different than what He and I have. I have intentionally pulled back so as not to interfere. It is kind of hard when I don't have her to chat about him with, but that wouldn't be fair to anyone. Nobody likes being in the middle unless everyone is naked.

So back to the original question. Where are the juicy details? I promise I will work on blogging more often. And since so many things I do lately have been recorded, maybe put a few more pics or videos up.

Hmm, pet and I are supposed to play Naked Twister this weekend with Sir as the Sadistic referee. Sound like that may be a fun blog entry... ;)

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Use Me

This is the kind of mood I've been in. I love being taken, fucked, raped... used only for the pleasure of the men. Serving... *sigh*

Thank you Sir. For so much...

Yes, of course there is a click through... ;)

Do you feel like sometimes you want to be a little more than just half naked? A bit more than just slightly suggestive? For the weeks you want to play with the wicked & wanton crowd, feel free to join us on Wednesdays.

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