What is a Dominant?

I was chatting early this morning while on a boring duty at work. We were talking about my being submissive and having a Dom, which he jokingly referred to as Adult Simon Says. My friend (who is not kinky) said he thought dominating sounded really hot. I said "There's more to it than bossing girls around." 

"Hmm... I'm interested... What is it to being a Dom then??"

I thought about it. For an hour and a half. I know what I know. I know what I need. I have been in D/s relationships. I have dominated pet. There is SO MUCH more to being a Dom. But I was stumped.

"Good question. Been trying to come up with an answer. I feel it, but can't come up with words. (Rare for me.)"

A Google search had 34,700,000 results for 'What makes a good dominant'. I knew I wasn't the first to try and put it into words.

I still don't know what to say. So I thought I would put the question out to everyone.

To all of my D-type and s-type friends and readers:
 

What is a Dominant?

Perve more of "What is a Dominant?"

One Hundred Thousand

My blog rolled over 100,000 page loads very early this morning. I was glad to see the person that did it was not an accidental "oops, this was not what I was looking for on Google" one time visit. This visitor from Sydney, Australia spent nearly two hours reading dozens of  stories. It warms my heart when I see people do actually *read* my babbling. :)

If you are the person in who did this, please comment here. I believe I owe you a prize of some sort.

Perve more of "One Hundred Thousand"

Ten Tweets

"How cruel would it be to take away your tweeting for awhile."

He has done that before. It was very hard for me. I tweet a lot. Twitter makes my day more enjoyable. I can say whatever is on my mind there unlike real life. And people talk back to me. I am never alone, never bored. But he said no tweeting, so I stopped. I had to delete my Twitter apps off of my phone and computer. The beeps were too tempting. But I did it. I was a good girl, and I was very well rewarded. Strangely enough, I also got more stuff done. But I did not like it.
 
"Please don't Sir."

"Ok. I won't take tweeting away. Just 10 tweets per day, until I say so."

Ten tweets is better than none, right? And I could still comment and chat with my friends in direct messages. Yet somehow this has been harder for me. I have missed the group conversations. I miss being able to say what is on my mind right then and getting instant feedback on it. I miss the freedom.


But that's what this is all about, isn't it?


I am not sure what reasons Sir had for this rule. That doesn't matter though. He is my Master. I obey. And in spite of myself, I have been getting some things out of this.

I am having to think first about what I say "out loud". I can't just blurt everything I want to out. Smart-assed comments and random bitching about my day will use up those precious ten. I have had to decide if what I want to say right then is really that important. Usually it is not.

I am having to plan ahead. How much of what I really do want to say, *my* important thoughts, can I fit into 140 characters? Actually a few less, as I have been numbering my tweets so I don't lose track. Can I convey the meaning I want to? I have been forced to be succinct. No wasted characters.


In between I can follow my friends' tweets. But there are so many temptations there inviting me in. Instead I have been walking away from it, and yes (damn it), getting more stuff done again while thinking about my next tweet.


Perhaps the most important thing I have gotten out of this is a reinforcement of my submission. I won't lie and say that this rule doesn't drive me insane and piss me off several times a day. Being female, my mind has looks for loopholes. Wiggle room. I have (so far) caught myself and corrected those thoughts. So for the past few days, I have been practicing self-control. I have not needed to be corrected. I have been a good girl. 


And throughout each day, I have felt his presence in my mind. All the time. His control tempering my struggles. I can almost feel his fingers wrapped in my hair at those moments when I am fighting the most. It has been soothing. And I have been making him proud. It is worth it.

Tuesday 3/22

• Have I mentioned lately how generous @MstrBlaster45 is? I adore him! ;) (Only 9 more tweets allowed today, but can be reached by DM.)
• I get cock & orgasms tomorrow *because* I turned them down per orders. #GoodGirl :) (Only 8 more tweets today, but can be reached by DM.)
• My Wanton Wednesday post. Hopefully will be too wanton to post tomorrow. ;) http://www.aslutsmemoir.com/2011/03/whipped.html (Tweet 3 of 10)
• Wow! My blog should go over 100,000 by this weekend! Still really amazes me! Thanks everyone! New post: http://bit.ly/f32TMs (Tweet 4 of 10)
• <----- New avi too. This is what happens when you reply to one Dom's text without looking at the number. Wrong Dom. Oops! ;) (Tweet 5 of 10)
• Ten tweets is not a punishment. It's a lesson in watching my mouth, thinking about what is important to say, & obedience. :) (Tweet 6 of 10)
• Shamelessly flirting w/ man Sir may loan me to. In video. "After watching those, I need for sure to meet you. You are amazing." (Tweet 7/10)
• Looks like this is going to be a 45 hr day for me after only 3 hr nap. Work, sex, work. But so worth it! Hopefully nap in eve. (Tweet 8/10)
• Starting to squirm nervously about trade I offered for @RainBouz's orgasm the other day. Sir will have to restrain me well. :-/ (Tweet 9/10)
• Last tweet before midnight. Interesting limiting myself. I *do* babble a lot here. Also had many interesting DM chats. Thanks! (Tweet 10/10)

Wednesday 3/23

• I always get stumped on the "What do you do for fun" question at work. Usually say "Sleep" Tonight I said "Things you can't imagine." (1/10)
• Time to get clean so I can get dirty. Serving Sir as well as I can... with another Sir. I love being used and treated as property! :D (2/10)
• Gorgeous sunny day! Mountains out & clear all around. On the water, having a beer on my way to be used as fuckmeat. I'm loving this! (3/10)
• *blink, blink* I can't even think of anything to say right now. *idiotic grin* (4/10)
• Need to always set two alarm clocks AND put them out of arms reach while sleeping. Overslept for work. :-/ Still a great day! (Tweet ?/10)
• Yup! Still a very good day... ;) http://t.co/eJ78X0F (6/10)
• Thank you again @MSTRBLASTER45 for allowing me to serve @sprocket747 today. You are a very generous Master! :-* (7/10)
• Thank you @sprocket747 for today. You completely scrambled my brain! lol (8/10)
• I may only be able to write 10 tweets per day, but I can say hi in DMs. :) Well, when work allows... (9/10)
• I am so happy to have the people in my life that I do! I love my life!!! (Even if my bottom is a bit sore...) *still grinning* (10/10)

Thursday 3/24

• It is Thursday already. This week is going faster than I thought it would. Tomorrow I get to be with @MSTRBLASTER45 & @slut_t! *grin* (1/10)
• Videos & pic from yesterday. Videos (first two) are safe for work. ;) http://bit.ly/hIgDW8 http://bit.ly/hTpQGh http://bit.ly/fFqCvD (2/10)
• Facebook killed my slut account last week. Meh. Logged into real account. First time in forever. I feel old. Some boytoys turning 30. (3/10)
• Work just called & woke me up to ask if I'd work tomorrow night. Let me think... work or Sir... tough choice. At least I didn't LOL. (4/10)
• In chat said I don't cyber anything. Got his boxers in a bunch. Dumbass. We had been arranging to meet in RL. Was going to fuck him. (5/10)
• Ten Tweets. Like wearing ball gag at a party. So many conversations I would love to join. Obedience is hard sometimes but worth it. (6/10)
• I need to ask Sir how my ten tweets rule works on #fucktoyfriday. (7/10)
• No, I don't. He clearly said ten tweets per day. I will have to prioritize. Damn, that man makes me all subby & shit! #FucktoyFriday (8/10)
• Ten Tweets. Struggle. Submission. Control. Like having his fist wrapped in my hair 24 hrs. (Still reply to @'s in DM) #FucktoyFriday (9/10)
• DM: "What are you looking forward to most about seeing Sir tomorrow?" Me: "Good question. Most? Being held in his arms." *happy sub* (10/10)

Friday 3/25

• Happy Friday everyone! I'm lurking. ;) Two new posts: "Ten Tweets" http://bit.ly/fSG5aU & "One Hundred Thousand" http://bit.ly/eZI0L7 (1/10)
• I may not be playing #FucktoyFriday on Twitter today but I am in real life. See Sir & pet today. Serving another man tonight for Sir. (2/10)
• So much to do & so little time. I always feel rushed before a date. Yet I am usually ready too early & go nuts watching the clock. ;) (3/10)
• Chatted with Sir this morning about collars... Happy girl! Ok, seriously need to get my butt moving! Back later. (4/10)
• DM: "...you'll enjoy the aspect of being 'given'." Me: "Mmm... Given... Three different men this week." I'm a slut! ;) #FucktoyFriday (5/10)
• I knew I'd be ready too early. Can't wait to see @MstrBlaster & @slut_t! The clock isn't moving. *sigh* Somebody please distract me! (6/10)
• Does anyone else have to allow extra time for high winds, herds of deer, drawbridges, AND submarines in their trip to get fucked? ;) (7/10)
• Almost there! Almost there! I can burn up my ten tweets now. I doubt I will have a chance later to type. It's a gorgeous day here! :) (8/10)
• Have just been informed I can tweet to my heart's content tomorrow. @slut_t just arrived. Waiting for dinner & other people to go. (9/10)
• # Awesome night so far. @slut_t almost shorted the Hitachi by squirting all over it. At least twice. Now I get to go to his friend. (10/10)

Perve more of "Ten Tweets"

Whipped

Still in my happy, subby place enjoying serving Sir more and more each day whether he is there or not. ;) I'm not trying to explain it, to write about it... just loving living it! I am so "whipped"!

(And he has a very nice ass...)

Do you feel like sometimes you want to be a little more than just half naked? A bit more than just slightly suggestive? For the weeks you want to play with the wicked & wanton crowd, feel free to join us on Wednesdays.

Perve more of "Whipped"

Sir

If you have been following along, you know I have a new Master. I am loving every minute of serving Sir! And he has been keeping me, all of the different parts of me, very busy and very, very happy. (My blogging and tweeting rate has gone way down, too. Maybe I found someone that can shut me up...)

This is one of my favorite pictures, and not just because of the click-thru. ;)

Do you feel like sometimes you want to be a little more than just half naked? A bit more than just slightly suggestive? For the weeks you want to play with the wicked & wanton crowd, feel free to join us on Wednesdays.

Perve more of "Sir"

Stolen

After an amazing weekend with Sir, pet, and my other Sir (not to mention two gangbangs and so much more!), I am in a fucking awesome mood! Yet one small part of last weekend haunts me, is still working itself out in my mind, churning away in there days later. It is the only mark I still carry, but this one doesn’t show.

I was going to wait until I had sorted out my emotions about this story before I wrote it, but then I remembered I have felt this way before. When I wrote Consensual Nonconsent, I had to write it for myself. I did not know how I felt about that event until I had written it out, and when I was done I felt purged. I have to get this one out, too. The flavors of some of these feelings are not pleasant.

I have no idea where this story will end up. I am just along for the ride. I apologize to any readers, but first I think I’m going to ramble.

I remember losing my virginity. Every virginity. Every First. Each thing I have done for the first time or had done to me has a story. The perfect person, the perfect setting, the perfect feel. Yes, surprise! I am a romantic about some things. I treasure those memories.

Now one of my Firsts has been stolen from me. I am still stunned. Some of those flavors I spoke of taste like anger, hate, grief, exposure, shame, humiliation, violation, rape, defeat.

I must stop at this point to remind myself that nothing was done to me without consent. I willingly and very happily put myself in that situation. Objectification and Humiliation was the theme of the past few weeks, and I was enjoying the hell out of it! Now back to the rambling.

So there I was at this gangbang... (LOL! Now it’s bound to get interesting.) Actually it was my second gangbang/Bukkake party of the day. It was also my first day officially serving as Sir’s property. Pet was with us. I loved every minute of it, and was completely lost in sheer pleasure and bliss.

Any further parts of this story are more my impressions than a factual retelling. After that many hours of endless cock, orgasms, submission, and pain my mental faculties were impaired. Some things I do remember though. That’s why I am writing this. It isn’t about the facts, it’s about the feelings.

The second party had started, pet and I had already been busy entertaining the men (or entertaining ourselves with them) when another man arrived. Normally that would not even be noted in my mind, it happened often at these parties. This man however was loud, annoying, and apparently known. I ignored him and happily continued my task, which was to suck every cock in the room. He kept talking, though, and I remember him asking in a voice likely intended to get the attention of every person in the room if it was all right to make the sluts squirt on the conference room floor. Yeah. Good luck with that, dude.

He then sat apart from the other men seated in chairs. They all faced him, as if he were king. What an arrogant ass! I ignored him. Wait, I thought I already was ignoring him. I could hear pet being fucked hard, and she was enjoying it. Good for her! I finished sucking the men seated on the short wall on one side of the room, and turned toward the long wall, the one with only one chair. His seat was empty. Good. I moved on to the other short wall and the first man seated there.

With yet another cock down my throat, I heard him start to complain loudly that he had been skipped. Tough shit, I thought. The party planner was teasingly telling him the same thing, old friends joking. I finished introducing myself to the man I was on and started to move on to the next.

Sir stopped me. I looked at Him,  pleading. I sighed, turned back toward the long wall, and crawled up to this man that I already did not like. I opened my mouth and began sucking him. This is when things began to get fragmented in my telling of this tale. There are very strong, vivid impressions but only shards of memories.

This guy played rough. Hair pulling. Face fucking. Thrown down. Pulled, dragged, lifted, tossed about like a rag doll. Pounded hard and fast. Used. There may have been words. There may have been pain. Seconds, minutes, hours? Screaming. Cuming. Turned. Fingers...

Clarity.

Ha! You can make me cum all you want, dude. I don’t squirt!

Apparently it’s time to ramble again. I have been close to squirting several times. Each time it would have been perfect, the right person, and the right moment. And each time just the mere thought that I might squirt would pull me back enough from my ‘letting go’ to prevent it. It was never my major focus. It would happen sooner or later, and be amazing. I would add it to my cherished memories. Now back to the story.

There was no way on Earth this guy was going to make me squirt. Like any stranger could walk in off the street, shove his fingers in my cunt, and make me. Ha again! Not. Gonna. Happen. Arrogant ass or not, I was going to let him make me cum again. So I relaxed, but only for a moment.

His fingers were not moving sensually, sexually. They knew exactly what they were doing, and they were doing it precisely, forcefully, almost violently. My body tensed and began to fight him. He pinned me and continued. Did I still struggle, I wonder. My mind fought him. No! You will not make me squirt!

A few more movements of his fingers and I came unwillingly, squirting. He had taken it from me, ripped it out of my body, and I doubt it took him more than a minute. It wasn’t special. It wasn’t about me. It was just a trick he used to impress the guys.

He left me curled up, unable to move and went to go collect his high-fives or whatever from the audience. Oh, yes, the audience. I had forgotten about the others there. I had forgotten everything. Apparently there was some question about if I really did squirt, or perhaps it was more friendly joking. My body was moved and rolled around to verify I had indeed. He was two for two that day. Pet had been manhandled first. He got his praise. I lay there.

The submissive in me brought me back. I brushed it off. There were still more cocks. I wasn’t done. My task, the party, evening, and weekend continued. Much fun was had by all including a few more firsts that were perfect.

So now the story is written. I have brought it out to examine. It will tell me what it wants. Those nasty tastes of emotions linger. The mark is still there for now. It may be for a while.

Yet the thought of asking Sir to give me to this man again is there now too.

Perve more of "Stolen"

Owned Again

This is the tenth day since Sir agreed to be my Dom. I am in subby heaven right now, totally content, and loving life.

Since then I have served Him at two gangbangs, we spent an amazing day with pet and J (my other Dom), and  He gave me to his very best friend since 7th grade. Twice. ;) Perhaps that was the greatest honor. He had never done that before with any woman. Tonight I am to serve J again for Him, and tomorrow I will be kneeling at His feet. *sigh* Not bad for the first ten days...

I don't know where this is going, but I am excited to find out. It has been a while since I have been so "whipped" by one man.

I really wish I could put this into words better...

Perve more of "Owned Again"

Homework

*I had some homework this week. This is part of it.

“Tell me what you will bring to the table for me, in becoming my sub.”

Well, we had an unusual meeting. You got to see and sample the physical & sexual things I offer first.

In addition, I offer the rest of me, more than just holes.

·         My personality, which I would hope is at least tolerable.

·         My thoughts, some of which are as evil as yours.

·         My feelings, to better help you Dom me.

·         My “vanilla” skills & talents, which are varied.

·         My mind, to torment. ;)

·         My friendship, as well as old and new friends.

·         My obedience, or progression toward it.

·         Feedback, like it or not.

·         Attitude and smart-assed remarks occasionally, sorry.

·         My body, your canvas, to practice with as you wish.

“Also what you expect from me as your potential Dom.”

·         To be willing to learn with me as opposed to just teaching to me.

·         To push my limits, test my mind, challenge me while keeping an eye on me.

·         To care for me as a person.

·         To understand Doms have safewords too.

·         To be aware I will make mistakes.

·         To share your thoughts and feelings with me.

·         To be my friend as well as my Dom.

·         To ask questions.

“Why do you want me to be your Dom?”

I guess the first answer would be to why I want a Dom again at all. I do miss that extra connection with that one man. There is a difference for me between being submissive with someone and completely submitting to One. I have written about it before. It is very difficult to explain. The past eight months have been fun being an independent sub, but I need more.

As to why you, specifically, appeal to me as a potential Dom... Hmm... This has been the hardest part to answer. It’s just a feeling. You intrigued me from the start. You saw how I took the very first chance I could to show off for you. Hell, you have the video. The time I have spent with you since has only made that stronger. You have gotten under my skin and into my head. I crave you now. No organized, bulleted answers here because I don’t have a reason. I am just following my instinct.

Perve more of "Homework"

Never Been Bruised There Before...

I have a healthy new respect for the "sensual" flogger I bought recently, as well as J's aim!  As a result of my discipline the other day I have bruises in places I haven't before. No wonder I was screaming and sobbing.

Don't freak out. Remember, I am a masochist... ;)

Bruised Labia (and yes, if you must see without the black bar, click away...)

As for the rest of my week, well... it has been very interesting. I am very much looking forward to Friday!

Do you feel like sometimes you want to be a little more than just half naked? A bit more than just slightly suggestive? For the weeks you want to play with the wicked & wanton crowd, feel free to join us on Wednesdays.

Perve more of "Never Been Bruised There Before..."