I have noticed a lot of relationships breaking up lately. I know it's not like people haven't been breaking up all along. I just didn't notice it until I went through it myself. When I was with Sir, I was blissfully ignorant of these things. It didn't affect me because it wasn't happening to me.
I realize that sounds horribly self-centered. And it probably is. I remember, though, when I was pregnant noticing how many other pregnant women there were. It seemed like everywhere I went there were big bellies like mine, and we shared a common bond. My awareness was heightened. There were always pregnant women out there, but I just never really noticed now how many.
It is like that for me now with broken-hearted women. My awareness is still very heightened. I know what they are feeling. I feel it with them. I have cried with them. I understand the devastation, the total loss of self-identity, the huge empty void, and the meaninglessness of everything that is part of losing "Him".
We are all very different, the reasons are never the same, the relationship dynamics are unique. But it does not matter whether is was D/s, M/s, vanilla, etc. The feelings are the same. This is one bond, quite honestly, I wish I did not share. But I do. When I was in the very depths of despair, other women reached out to me and gave me much needed support. I will always be grateful for that. And I now do the same. I said to one woman recently that I was truly amazed at the support of this community.
Pretty depressing post so far, huh? But it's not all sadness and tears. I have noticed other things, too, as I have moved on and began healing. There is hope. The others I have followed, as well as myself, did move on. Not at first, and some faster than others, but the pattern seems to be very similar.
First, of course, there is the grieving. The pain, tears, anger, and despair after giving so much devotion. Wanting to curl up in a ball and just die. The wondering and the "if only" thoughts. Wanting to run away from it all. Feeling like there will never ever be anyone at all that can bring smiles, laughter, and joy. Not even wanting to try because the pain is too unbearable.
Next there are no more tears. There is just numbness. Existence. Nothing else. But stuff still needs to get done. Jobs, bills, kids, etc. do not wait. Life does go on. So we start to move, grudgingly dragged out of our comfortable numbness and the walls we built for ourselves.
Those first steps back into life are very tentative, shaky, and scary. It's not like we are looking for anything, anyway. Surprisingly, it's not so bad. Occasionally smiles happen, or maybe even laughter. There is still pain, and not the good kind. A song, a scent, or a phrase can still send us scurrying back in tears to our safe place. But each time it goes away. Each attempt becomes easier. After a while, any tears that might come are just simply wiped away. Any fleeting sadness is accepted, but does not cause a retreat.
Then comes the question "What now?" There is still a void. For the submissive woman, even those in vanilla relationships, there is something missing. There were so many wonderful things with Him. But now, come to think of it, maybe a couple of things could have been different. We know what we want (sort of), but we also know what we will not tolerate. And there even might be a few things we have always wanted to try. Now there is no one telling us what we can and can not do.
So now there is a new freedom. And it's not like there is a shortage of men that are looking for submissive women. But we are not newbies anymore, no longer easy prey. All of a sudden the realization that we hold the power happens. God help the wannabe Dom that thinks he deserves to be the next one to boss us around! If and when we ever truly give ourselves again, that man will have to earn it. Until then, let the playing begin! There is, after all, no reason that we still can't have parts of what is gone. But now it is on our terms.
An empowered submissive. It sounds like an oxymoron. But these women, who learned and grew in their (often first) relationship as a sub have now emerged from their cocoons forever changed. They are delicate, and beautiful, and free. They are butterflies now.
For Christie. Big hugs!
Also for @badbadgirlx and @SubmissveWhore. Aren't these new wings great? ;)
