(A fictional essay based upon events in my life. Written for my English Comp class.)
Contrary to popular belief, Dementia is not a disease. Instead, it is a term used to describe a progressive loss of brain function. Progressive means their mental abilities will never improve, only get worse. Birth defects, traumatic brain injury, drug or alcohol abuse, and Alzheimer’s disease are just a few examples of causes.
Although slowly losing their minds, they are still living, loving, feeling humans. They deserve as much respect as they ever did, no matter how annoying (or hilarious) their actions. Reasoning with them does not work, and logic is irrelevant. Whatever is going on inside their mind is absolutely real to them, and in their world, you are the one that is crazy. Never forget that.
Since they won’t change, that leaves you with two choices. You can stand your ground, defend your reality, and go insane; or you can embrace the absurdity and join in the fun.
One of the issues you may deal with is hallucinations. The solution is a change of thought process, not for the person with Dementia, but for you. The following is one scenario of dealing with a simple hallucination.
“There’s a bird in my room.”
Step 1 Bite your tongue. The first logical response out of your mouth will always be the wrong thing to say. Remember, to her, it is real. Perhaps when she was young a bird did get into her room, it frightened her, and she is reliving it. It doesn’t matter why, really, but that thought helps get me in the right mindset for the task ahead. It may be 2:30 am. It may be the fourth time in three days (or the fourth time that night).
Step 2 Get up. No matter how tired you are, or crazy you know it is, there is no chance in hell of getting back to sleep until you save the day yet again.
Step 3 Shut the door to her room. If you don’t the imaginary thing just might get out and that will make your job much harder. And there is always the one-in-a-billion chance that this time, maybe, there really is something there. Always err on the side of safety.
Step 4 Tell her you will take care of it. Reassure her also with a hug or hand squeeze. She may not remember in two minutes what you said or did, but she might remember the feeling of protection.
Step 5 Make sure she feels safe while you gather your supplies. A comfy chair in a softly lit room with music is my choice. (Maybe she will doze off.) A glass of water or other beverage is a nice touch, too.
Step 6 Tell her you will be right back. Again, she may forget, or not even understand what you said. But if she feels abandoned, it can escalate simple fear into complete hysteria, and then you will never get back to bed. I bring back my supplies one at a time to “check-in”. You may have to keep starting over again at Step 4. Don’t get angry. Just suck it up. Someday this may be you.
Step 7 Don’t take too long to gather your tools. You will need supplies to capture a bird. They can be totally realistic, or exaggerated. The funnier it is to you, the less stressful this whole thing will be. My choices are
Step 8 Draw upon any acting skills you may have. A person with advanced Dementia will not critique your performance; but you are up anyway, dressed like an idiot, and ready to chase an imaginary bird. Have fun with it! Now with hat and gloves donned, pillowcase tucked into your waistband, and brandishing a broom sword and colander shield, you are a knight rescuing a damsel in distress from a fire-breathing sparrow.
- a broom for shooing the bird from high places
- her floppy-brimmed hat that says “Grandma” on it to protect from imaginary poop
- rubber gloves just because they make it seem “official”
- a big kitchen colander for that final victory pounce
- a pillow case for removal. (I was informed the first time that a trash bag doesn’t let the “poor thing” breathe.)
Step 9 Check on her when you return. If you are lucky, by the time you come back with the tools to defend the household, she will have forgotten completely about it. In that case, quickly remove your gear, tuck her back into bed, and proceed to Step 16. If not, continue on to Step 10.
Step 10 Ask her to show you where the bird is. She will either be too scared to go in, or want to watch you capture the bird to reassure herself.
Step 10A If she does not want to go into the room, your job just got easier. You can go in, close, the door, make some noises for a bit, and return triumphantly with something bird-sized captured in your pillowcase. A pair of socks will work well. “Release” it outside, tuck her in, and proceed to Step 16.Step 11 Lead her into the room shielding her with your own body. Ask her to point out where the bird is. After all, there is no point in capturing something over by the closet when the bird is clearly sitting right there on the dresser.
Step 10B Many people with Dementia have trust issues. If she wants to make sure you actually capture the bird, and aren’t lying to her, continue to Step 11.
Step 12 Don’t forget to ham it up! If you are a good enough actor, you might almost begin to see the bird, too. As you shoo the bird around trying to corner it, keep an eye on where she is looking. Those invisible birds are quick, and you might not have seen it go under the bed.
Step 13 Capture the bird with your shield when you and she are both convinced it is finally cornered. Say “I think I got it” then check her eyes for confirmation. If you didn’t get it, ask where it went and repeat Steps 12 and 13.
Step 14 When capture is confirmed, swoop up the bird, colander and all, into the pillowcase and tie the top tight.
Step 15 “Release” the bird outside, tuck her in, and talk about the adventure the two of you just shared.
Step 16 Go back to bed. The broom, hat, and stuff can be put away in the morning. Or it may be needed again that night. Either way, you need to get sleep while you can.
